Toast
by Disco Ant
Summary: Fujiko has a bad day. A bad day which involves toast.


Yes, you read it right. Toast. Fujiko making toast. How can this be interesting, you ask? Oddly, it is. A whole story to explain one dumb little task? Well, there's more to it than that. But, read on and see. :D

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Toast

by D. Ant

The alarm buzzed loudly. Fujiko groaned and buried her head deeper into the pillow. The alarm continued buzzing. Her attempts to hide from it only made the buzzing louder.  
She groaned, reaching over and shutting it off. Through tired eyes and a blurred vision, she glanced at the blue-lit numbers.  
"Four thirty?" she cried out as she quickly sat up. Her hands balled up into fists, her teeth clenching tightly together.  
The phone next to the clock rang. She unballed one hand and grasped the reciever tightly, jerking it up and to her ear.  
"Good morning, Fujiko," Lupin, Jigen and Goemon sang out loudly.  
"I will kill you all," she growled. "I swear, the next time I see you..."  
There was laughter on the other end.  
She growled once again in frustration and slammed the reciever down.  
She then made a mental note to check her alarm whenever Lupin left her place. She didn't find his pranks amusing except when he played them on anyone other than her. Then they were funny.  
She knew she'd never go back to sleep, the quick rise in temper making her adrenaline rush and waking her up.  
She sat on the edge of the bed and stretched. Standing, she walked to the bathroom, deciding to take a nice hot shower.  
Fifteen minutes later she stepped out, the bathroom filled with a thick mist, her body pushing it aside as she walked through it. Shedding the damp towel around her, she walked into her bedroom and proceeded to get dressed.  
After admiring herself in the mirror for ten minutes, even using two mirrors to get a complete view of how her outfit looked, she started into the kitchen, where her endeavor began...

Usually, Fujiko liked a sophisticated meal to start her day. And usually, she ate it at a fine restaurant. This particular morning, she found that her keys had mysteriously gone missing.  
The phone in the living room rang. She glared at it. If she had her gun nearby, she would have shot it, but even that seemed to have mysteriously disappeared. Nothing seemed to be working out for her that day.  
She stomped over to the phone and answered it. "Where are my keys?" she growled. "And my gun?!"  
Lupin laughed and hung up.  
Maybe she had this coming to her. Maybe she deserved it after ditching Lupin the night before, leaving him alone on an empty street in the bad side of town. It was her plan all along that night, flirting with him enough to make him take his clothes off and then kicking him out of the car, laughing as she gave him a last glance as he stood in only his boxers. His angry screams faded as she drove off, knowing it wouldn't teach him anything about screwing her over on a job. She enjoyed it, though, and that was all that mattered.  
"Now that was funny," she said. "This childish behavior is just...stupid!"  
She returned to the kitchen, opening the cupboard and grabbing the can of coffee grounds. It felt light. Too light. She shook it. Nothing. She then ripped the lid off, one of Lupin's notes laying on the bottom.  
She tossed the can on the floor and quickly opened the fridge. It was empty, except for another note and a loaf of bread. And not her usual loaf of fine bakery fresh wheat bread she loved so much. This loaf was in a plain white wrapper, BREAD written across the top in bold blue blocky letters.  
"Fine," she scoffed. "I'll just walk somewhere and get food." She went to grab her purse, but it wasn't there. "I'll withdraw money from the bank, then." She reached for the handle on the front door. It wouldn't turn. Panic struck.  
She soon found the windows wouldn't open. And something had been sprayed on the glass that prevented her from breaking it. She was trapped in her apartment. Trapped, alone, the dollar loaf of bread seeming to laugh at her, mock her.

Two hours had gone by, Fujiko still sitting on the couch, watching morning television shows. Her stomach growled, as it had been doing for the last hour. She continued to ignore it, although now it was getting harder and harder to do.  
Her phone rang again. She lifted the reciever and set it down. This had been going on all morning.  
"You haven't won!" she screamed. "Do you hear me?!" She looked around and sighed. "Who am I fooling?" she said in a low voice as she hung her head down. Defeated and hungry, she made her way to the kitchen.  
She opened the fridge and grabbed the loaf of bread, almost crushing it in her light grip. It weighed almost nothing, as if it would float if Fujiko let go of it. She tried and it fell, almost floated, to the floor.  
She picked it up, carefully this time, and set it gently on the counter. She swore and cursed as she tried to untie the paper covered metal twist that held the bag closed. She twisted it one way and twisted it the other way. Either way seemed to keep twisting it up. Angry, she ripped the bag open, bread flying every which way.  
Few pieces remained at the bottom of the bag, the anger seething from Fujiko making them appear as though they were hiding, hoping to not be mangled by angry hands.  
She took out two pieces, forgetting to be gentle and crushing them in her fist. Growling and tossing them on the floor, she gently took out two more pieces, carefully placing them on the rack in the toaster over.  
She stood and stared as the thin rods at the top and bottom of the toaster glowed a bright red, doing their job as the bread started to become a light brown, the smell of toast wafting from the small appliance.  
She inhaled deeply, smiling at the smell. Unless it was some specialty flavored bread, the smell of toast was always the same. Even the cheap store brand bread held the aromatic and mind melting smell of toast.  
She closed her eyes, the world around her becoming bright and sunny. The fact that she was trapped in her apartment disappeared from her mind, her body surrounded by the lovely smells of burning bread.  
"Wait a second." Fujiko's smile faded as she sniffed. "Burning?" She opened her eyes, a thick plume of smoke drifting up from the bottom of the toaster oven. "Burning?! Oh no! My toast!"  
She quickly opened the door, the hot plastic handle burning her hand, causing her to pull it back and shake it as she did a small jig of pain.  
Panic set in. She had to rescue her toast. There was no other way around it.  
Getting brave, she opened the door once again, trying to ignore the burning felt on her already burned hand. Using her other hand, she reached inside, grabbing the two hot pieces of pulling them from the smoke filled chamber.  
The smoke clearing and with two burned hands, Fujiko stared sadly at the two victims, both charred beyond recognition. Someone had set the toaster too high. The two light fluffy pieces of bread never stood a chance.  
Fujiko gritted her teeth in anger as the phone rang. 'He's spying on me,' she thought, wondering where he was and how he was watching her. "Where are you?!" she screamed, looking around, the phone continuing to ring.  
She stomped over and answered it. "Why are you doing this to me?!" she screamed. "Huh? Oh, hello mother. No, I- Mother, please, I- Mother!"  
The other line went dead. She let out a low growl and slammed the reciever down.  
Fujiko now had an upset and angry mother to deal with.  
"Was it really worth all of this?" she wondered, thinking back to how Lupin looked in the middle of the street and smiling. "Yeah, it was," she sighed, letting out a small laugh before returning to the kitchen.  
She carefully picked up two more pieces that had landed on the counter, blowing off any lint or crumbs that were on them and placing them in the toaster. Making sure to check the setting, putting it on top brown only, she turned the toaster on and waited, this time paying attention.  
The fluffy bread, no real substance to it, browned in seconds.  
Fujiko rushed to remove them before they burst into flames. She pulled them out, her burnt hands not feeling the hot bread in them as she got a plate, plopping the two pieces on it.  
Opening a drawer, she pulled out a knife, walking to the fridge and opening it. Her heart raced, her eyes darting around. "No..." she whined in a low voice. "Why? This isn't right..." She straightened up, staring at the open fridge, all hope lost, her sanity slowly dwindling. "This isn't right!" she screamed, rage replacing hope, her body tense and trembling. "Must...kill..."

Ten minutes later...  
"How do you think she's doing?" Jigen asked, he, Lupin and Goemon walking down the hall to her door.  
Lupin shrugged as he held a paper bag in his hands. "I'm sure she's fine."  
Goemon was silent, his feelings telling him that she was anything but fine.  
The three got to the door, Jigen pulling out an aerosol can and sraying a clear substance around the edges of the door. He then stepped back, letting Lupin take his place.  
A swift kick broke the seal, the door crashing to the floor. "Oh Fujiko," he sung out, his smile fading when he saw the state of the apartment.  
The couch was ripped apart, pieces of cloth and stuffing spread all over the floor. The television set was smashed into a million small pieces. Bookshelves were overturned and broken, the contents of them all over the floor. Pictures either hung crooked or layed on the floor, the glass shattered and cracked, the frames broken and bent. Plants were no longer plants, turned into mulch, the bits of green laying on top of the spread out soil and cracked pots.  
"Whoa..." Jigen said as he eyed the room.  
The kitchen table was unrecognizable, the fridge door ripped off and the toaster oven sticking halfway out of the wall. Cupboard doors were broken from the hinges, some hanging by only one screw. The faucet was snapped off, a small geiser of water shooting into the air.  
"Uh, Fujiko?" Lupin asked, stepping over debris, looking around cautiously. "I brought you some food..."  
"I think we broke her," Goemon said.  
Jigen looked at him and smiled. "I volunteer to admit her into the asylum."  
Goemon glanced at him and then looked away.  
"What?" Jigen asked.  
Just then there was a loud war cry, Fujiko springing from out of a closet, a large knife in her hand as she lunged at Lupin.  
Jigen reached back for his gun while Goemon grabbed the handle of his sword, both frozen as Lupin dodged the knife strikes.  
Jigen laughed at seeing Fujiko.  
Goemon cringed.  
Her clothes were dirty, wet, ripped and ragged. Her hair was a stringy damp mess, bits of debris stuck in it. Her hands and face were dirty, her nails chipped and broken, potting soil stuck underneath what was left.  
"Hey, Fujiko, come on!" Lupin yelled as he continued to dodge her attacks, all the while protecting the bag of food in his hands. "Can't we talk about this?" he whined.  
"Must. Kill. Lupin. Must..." she said with every strike.  
"Come on, Lupin!" Jigen cheered. "Get her so I can admit her! Hurry up!"  
Goemon watched with a sense of fright, scared of the unknown person he watched, the wild banshee they had created.  
Jigen continued to watch in excitement, the thoughts of forever getting rid of Fujiko making him thrilled.  
"You. Could. Have. Left..." Fujiko said, her breathing now labored, but continuing the attacks.  
"Huh?" Lupin wondered as he continued to dodge, almost tripping on what was left of the couch.  
"The. BUTTER!" she screamed, running at him wildly, her arms flailing about.  
"Oh," Lupin said, side stepping her and tripping her up.  
She flew forward, the knife flying from her hand and falling to the floor. She fell hard on a pile of stuffing, where she finally snapped and began to sob loudly and uncontrollably.  
"I wonder which asylum uses shock treatment," Jigen thought as he gazed upwards.  
"Butter," Fujiko sobbed. I just wanted some butter! Was that too much to ask?!"  
Lupin stood over here, looking around uncomfortably, not knowing what to do. Comforting was out of the question and she was too far gone to have a sensible conversation to. That only left with with standing there and looking stupid, which he did very well.  
Fujiko continued to sob, randomly sputtering out the word "butter".  
"Do you think they'd tell me if I called?" Jigen asked, looking over at Goemon. "Ooh! Lobotomies! Random enemas! Scientific experiments! I gotta write this stuff down."  
Goemon rolled his eyes as Jigen searched the destroyed apartment for a pen and paper.  
"Goemon! We're not taking her to an asylum!" Lupin yelled in anger.  
"It wasn't me!" Goemon yelled, pointing at Jigen.  
"Goemon, Jigen, whatever! She's not going to an asylum!"  
"Huh?" Jigen peeked his head around the wall he was behind, rushing up to Lupin and grabbing him by the jacket, shoving him against the wall. "Where is Lupin and what have you done with him?!"  
"Snap out of it!" Lupin yelled, slapping Jigen across the face.  
"Thanks," Jigen said, turning back to normal, letting Lupin go.  
"Guys! Guys!" Goemon yelled in panic. "It's Fujiko! She's escaped!" He stood and pointed to the door.  
The three looked at each other in panic before shrugging it off.  
"You guys hungry?" Lupin asked.  
"Starved," Jigen said.  
"No more of that five star French crap," Goemon warned.  
Lupin sighed, the three leaving the apartment, the fate of Fujiko no longer in their hands.

The End

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Why are my endings always insane and never make much sense? xP It's like a curse. Or a gift. Or something that I sometimes wish would go away so I can come up with sane endings. xD As if my stuff is sane... 


End file.
